Sex is Energy: Recharging Intimacy and Eroticism by St.Clair Gregg

Author:St.Clair, Gregg [St.Clair, Gregg]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw
Publisher: Squire Wing Press
Published: 2016-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

Talking is related to the heart and fire so having a conversation is also one of the techniques we can use to raise the libido. Creating a dialog (especially an ongoing one) is one of the best ways to connect and connecting is a prerequisite to great sex. Our complex web of thoughts and emotions are all connected to the mind. There are two categories of talk for raising the libido—1. Discussing, opening up and listening to our partner for basic communication, and 2. Sharing sexual desires. Talking includes making each other feel heard and understood and should start with basic topics like managing the finances, planning vacations and what to do on a date night.

Going further into feelings is a deeper level and in order to make sex energetically dynamic for a lifetime we’ll need to explore our behaviors especially in relationship to our partner. This is not always easy. I often recommend using a family counselor to help, and it’s better to go to one and talk things out before they become problems. When my wife and I need to discuss something we make some tea, sit on the couch, face each other in a calm atmosphere, start with a compliment and then get into whatever it is we need to discuss (turns out I screw up quite a bit). Ask yourself: Am I speaking up about my needs? Am I concerned about my partner’s needs? How often do you talk to get on the same page? Of course, anything in excess is too much and over-talking might be as problematic as not talking.

Talking eventually should include the topic of sex. When we first meet, we don’t need to discuss anything, its green lights for as far as the eye can see. You just look at each other and bras and pants magically fly off all on their own. Later, some of the lights turn yellow and if we let it go, for many couples it becomes nothing but red lights. Have you ever discussed how important sex is to you or what would be a good sexual frequency? What about monogamy? Usually monogamy is assumed with no discussion at all and some people have different views. What about masturbation? Will that make your partner feel like he or she is not satisfying you and something you need to hide or can you be open and not feel ashamed? And then of course there are fantasies. Is your partner open to exploration? Are they adventurous like you or conservative? We can’t always tell what our partner’s sexual landscape is like in the beginning of a relationship because urged on by the chemicals of lust we might do things early on we’d never do later. Sometimes just talking about fantasies, having the courage to open up, can be an aphrodisiac.

In a long term relationship, the sex life can change over time, especially with children and the effects of aging and our sexual needs might need to be revisited and addressed.

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